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Friday, August 5, 2016

11 Wacky Review Requests that Don't Work

Considering that every day about 4,500 books get published, phrasing review requests to known reviewers and bloggers is more important than ever. Here are parts of eleven request emails that made me wonder.


I understand you are a reliable, experienced reviewer.

[Really? Who told you that?...]


You’ve  been  handpicked  as  a  qualified  and  highly  esteemed  reviewer  to  hopefully...

[Hand-picked? This wording sounds as if I had been selected for a dangerous clandestine operation... Thx, but no thanks...]


I wanted to drop you an email after coming across your thoughtful and sincere reviews on Amazon.

[Unspecific platitude! Flattery? ... If you want to score with this approach you have to be more specific.]


“...  I’ve decided to go ahead and put together a review crew and would love to offer you first dibs at joining!...”

[First dibs? ? ? Apparently you are looking for YA reviewers. Sorry, I am a bit older...]


If you’re not interested in reviewing ... (genre)..., just let me know! I will make sure you don’t receive any review requests from us.  By the way, sometimes e-mails get lost, so to make sure I know you’re not interested, feel free to fill this very brief form: ... It makes it a lot easier for me. :)

[Sorry! I don’t fill out any forms about things I don’t do...]


I noticed that you have reviewed a book in Amazon which the category is related to the book I have just published.

[Pleeease, take a few writing classes...]


My book is available right now on Amazon for only $0.99 for the Kindle version (will later raise to $7.99.)

[DON’T threaten me with a higher price...]


I would also be more than willing to send you my book as a gift so you don’t have to purchase it!

[Hmm... Come to think of it, I don’t HAVE TO purchase your book...]


You MUST post your review to Amazon and Goodreads. We’ll confirm your reviews and as long as you have posted them, you will be put on the list to receive the next upcoming release for review.

[Maybe you should read Amazon’s Reviewer Guidelines, again or for the first time...]


We’re looking for honest reviews from people who love books. Real reviews let other readers know what to expect. Our small company doesn’t have the same resources as the large publishing houses, so every review counts.

[As the marketing expert of your company, shouldn’t you know that your job is to make a case why a reviewer would want to read your author’s book, instead of explaining your business concept ...]


Our company specializes in helping the self-published and small print author maximize their marketing outreach to increase sales. As you know, book reviews are highly coveted when it comes to book marketing. We are committed to helping our authors succeed, and would love to elicit your help in doing so.

[BIG, big words!!! Did they teach you that in college? If I understand you correctly, you are charging your client for asking me to do your work for free. - What exactly is your specialty?]


Which one is the wackiest? 


Gisela Hausmann is an Amazon ecommerce expert and US top reviewer. She coaches authors how to get featured in the media and also penned 
NAKED TRUTHS About Getting Book Reviews
NAKED TRUTHS About Getting Product Reviews on 7 Insider Tips to Boost Sales

© 2016 by Gisela Hausmann
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  1. This one is the wackiest. "You MUST post your review to Amazon and Goodreads. We’ll confirm your reviews and as long as you have posted them, you will be put on the list to receive the next upcoming release for review." You'd think it was Stephen King's people making the request.

    1. Haha, great pick @Brian, I didn't even think about Stephen King ... haha
      Thank for sharing

  2. Amazing! I'm guessing, as with cover letters, a very good and funny book could be compiled.

  3. Numbers 7 and 8 are classic--they want a free review AND a sale? Really? I get requests for product reviews on Amazon with a coupon for $5 off. Please! My time has value.

    1. You said it @John,
      some people are in denial how things really are. LOl
      Thanks for confirming :))

  4. Replies
    1. Thank you @Ellie - Yep, we need "naked (no-fluff)" information. Most of us don't have time for everything else. Thank you again